


The end is the beginning but it should have ended way before

by CruelisnotMason



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Getting Together, Humor, Love, M/M, Mentions of man, Pipofilier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 08:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CruelisnotMason/pseuds/CruelisnotMason
Summary: "Hey Shiro, I really want to fuck you balls deep."After Keith voices his deepest wish, he casts his eyes up to see Shiro's startled face."What?" Keith deadpans."I mean," Shiro starts, rubbing his own hands, "I can't, it's pedophilia after all."





	The end is the beginning but it should have ended way before

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take this too seriously
> 
> Explicit for strong language bc we must protect the kids

"Hey Shiro, I really want to fuck you balls deep."

After Keith voices his deepest wish, he casts his eyes up to see Shiro's startled face.

"What?" Keith deadpans.

"I mean," Shiro starts, rubbing his own hands, "I can't, it's pedophilia after all."

Keith stares back at Shiro, then squints at him. Is it really his Shiro? Or another of Haggar's clones?

"How so?" he asks then, unable to detect anything different from this Shiro to any other Shiro. "I'm a fucking adult."

Shiro nods in thought, listening to his friend's word closely, before he smacks his lips.  
"But you were a baby once. Thinking about us having sex, knowing that you once were a baby disgusts people."

Keith listens to Shiro's voice in astonishment.  
"You were a kid once too, weren't you?" he challenges his best bro 5ever. "How is it disgusting?"

"Okay okay, you might be right on that one. But did you forget we're related? I can't condemn this disgusting act of incest. And neither can the readers."

"SHIRO HOW ON EARTH ARE WE RELATED. BRO."

"There! Don't you listen to yourself??" Shiro sexy stomach ripples as he laughs a deep laugh. "Babe, you just called me bro. That means we're related. Because babe, every word we say has meaning and the meaning is also never between the lines!" To emphazise his words, Shiro makes a even sexier back flip. The sweat is glistening from his forehead and two drops hit Keith right on the eyeballs. Still, Keith can't give up on Shiro now, even though he sounds like a crazy idiot, trying to win a ship war.

"The next thing is, you say we look similar and that's how you know we're related or what," Keith asks him, but to his horror Shiro nods enthusiastically.

"There. Bro, you finally got it."

Keith can't say he doesn't feel disheartened. He tries one last time: "But we're all anime characters," he says softly. "There's not a lot of variation."

But Shiro is shaking his head. "You just ignore the facts, Keith."

"Those are facts??" Keith shouts in dispair, but Shiro holds his ears closed.

"Shut up, pedo," he chants over Keith's words. It's devastating, but more than everything a little childish.

"If I can't make love with you, Shiro, who else am I supposed to love?"

At that, Shiro nods and puts a finger to his chin. He doesn't seem to think hard and deep about it, despite his demeanor. He scans his nearest surroundings for the most obnoxious and ugliest gremlin he can find.

"AHHH." He points his finger to a person that Keith doesn't remember for his life. "He's perfect."

"But I'm straig-" the guy says but Shiro slaps his hand over his mouth aggressively. Then, his eyes happily flicker back to Keith.

Keith looks between the both of them, but his eyes snap back to Shiro, who hums of approval.

"Who is that?" Keith asks Shiro.

"It's your best friend from school where you once went to."

"I don't remember the guy."

"Then he's your rival. He has a lot of unresolved hate for you. The perfect base for a good relationship!" Shiro exclaims.

"I don't think it is-"

"GOD DAMIT KEITH I HAVE NO IDEA WHO MY SEXY HUSBAND IS BUT U DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING OK?? JUST DO IT FOR THE GAY REP OF VOLTRON, WOULD Y-"

And then, out of nowhere, Allura appears and hits the fake Shiro over his head with a small pan. "Finally, we got you, Haggar."

"Oh shit," Keith's love interest says, eyes wide and sparkly for the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and who he won't shut up about over the next 6 seasons (only if she dies which she won't in this fic, but you get me right).

Keith looks down on what looks like the Witch with a tousled Shiro wig and a slapped on scar on her face.

"If that was Haggar.... thanks for killing her btw... But WHWREES SHIWOOO THEN??" Keith screeches like a siren.

"Right there, Keith," Allura smiles and points to a waiting Shiro behind him. He carries a bouquet of flowers, a card that says 'Sorry for having our relationship ruined by crazy farts' and a smile that could make Keith fall in love with him a thousand times again.

"Keith. Sweetheart," Shiro coos, "Let's go out okay?"

"What about your husband?" Keith asks with tears in his eyes, already taking Shiro's hand because was the husband really there??? He might have seen him once.

"What husband?" Shiro asks and kisses him sweetly. The whole scene explodes and deletes this fic with it. As always, Shiro and Keith's love saved the day.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you really want to promote this pagrjdphilia on twitter,[ go on](https://twitter.com/CruelisB/status/1181924923490615298?s=19)


End file.
